On the airplane from springfield to New Zealand
"Aaww, where are we going" Homer loudly shouted."Homer stop your wining you should be grateful that we are going on a family vacation" Marge said.
"Yea dad we are going to..um let me check the ticket...New Zealand" Bart said.
"New what, where the hell is that" Homer gasped.
"New Zealand dad, it was the first country to give women the vore in 1893" Lisa proudly stated. Bart chuckled "women's rights" Homer also joined in with Barts chuckles much to Lisa's displeasure
"We'll have a great time, we can see the lord of the rings film site, meet the lord of the rings people, go to the lord of the rings musuem and......um lord of the rings" Marge said as she started to run out of breathe.
"Please fasten your seatbelts and remain in your seats, we will be arriving in Auckland very shortly" the dull voice said coming from the cockpit.
"What do you see boy' Homer shouted to Bart who was sitting by the window.
"Just cloud Homer" said Bart. The plane suddenly appeared from the cloud and made a safe landing onto the runway.It was an overcast but humid day in Auckland.The Simpson family quickly passed through customs, collected their luggage and exited the main doors of the airport.
"Homer look there's the rental car company" Marge shouted excitedly. The Simpsons walked over to the car rental counter.
"What can i do for you mate" the man behind the counter said to Homer (with New Zealand accent).
"Hello i want to rent a car" Homer replied strangely.
"Sorry mate. i've only got one car left,i don't know if it would be able to fit all of you, its a yellow mini" the man said nervously.
"I don't care what it is just give me the car" Homer angirly said to the man.The car rental employee gave Homer the keys and directed him to the car.Homer stuffed all the luggage into the tiny boot and got into the driver's seat.Marge squeezed into the spare front seat while Bart, Lisa and Maggie competed for space in the back of the car.
"Wow Homer, this is the crappiest car i have ever seen" Bart complained to Homer.
"Shut up boy, this car will get us to wherever the hell we are going" Homer said Homer nervously put the car keys into the iginition and turned, the tiny mini slowly came to life
"Hehe, piece of cake" Homer chuckled as he started driving. "Homer" Marge shouted as a car came head on towards the mini.Homer swerved to aviod the car.Lisa reminded Homer that he has to drive on the left hand side of the road.
"What kind of country is this, driving on the wrong side of the road" Homer shouted.Angered by the fact that he had to drive on the 'wrong side of the road' Homer started to drive fast and recklessly.Homer put his foot firmly on the acceleration pedal. The yellow mini achieved a top speed of 70 km/h. Homer then approached the roundabout on the outskirts of the airport. "Marge what the hell is this" Homer nervously said.Homer drove the mini into the roundabout and continued circling. After ten minutes of circling around and everyone feeling sick, Homer said"That's it" as he swerved the car into the Auckland motorway lane nearly causing a crash.
The Simpsons arrived at their hotel in downtown Auckland.After unpacking their luggage Marge said "Who wants to go up the big tower, i bet we would be able to see the whole of Auckland from up there".
"I do" Lisa beamed.
"aww, I don't want to go up that stupid tower, look how tall it is" Homer wined.
"Homer your coming, this is a family holiday" Marge sternly said.The Simpsons made their way to the base of the big tower and walked into the lift.
"Homer are you sure you want to come in here, you are so fat that the lift won't go up" Bart chuckled.
"Why you little" Homer shouted as he strangled Bart's neck.Homer stopped strangling Bart when he heard the lift doors open. The Simpsons walked out and could see a 360 degree view of Auckland.
"Isn't this amazing, we can see the whole harbour and all the islands" Lisa said. "Look you can even see our hotel from here" Marge said.
"You can even see that crappy yellow car, hey look Homer your getting towed" Bart giggled. "Doh" shouted Homer so loudly that everyone in the room looked at him. Lisa,Marge and Homer then walked over to the edge of the room where the floor was glass.Lisa stared straight down to the distant ground below her.
"Come on mom, its completely safe, the glass is very thick, it won't crack" Lisa beamed. "I'd rather not" Marge said nervously. Homer,Marge and Lisa were looking at the view when Bart went falling down outside the glass, pulling a face as her bungeed down.
Homer,Marge and Lisa looked at each other, not believing what they had just seen.
(i tried to put spacing in but once i saved the story it then went back to 1 big paragraph.
Homer just doesn't seem like Homer.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good start but maybe you should try capitalizing your sentences and you are missing some punctuation.
ReplyDeleteI agree with 'Ambugation'. Your homer seems to be out of character. Try and think in Homer's shoes. Would he really act like that in this situation?
I also think this is a good start, and a good idea for a fanfiction. I think that if you write it in a Word document first, and do a spell- and grammar check, it will be much better.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel that Homer is really that out of character, but I don't really watch Simpsons that much either. I do feel that you have described Lisa very well though.
I hope that something funny happens after Homer started driving recklessly, because the story should build up to something, and have a funny climax or highlight.
I think is good start, I like the format of your fanfiction. I can easily to read. I think that is importent as well.
ReplyDelete